depression.

sigh.....in all the years it has been my friend and foe im in it right now but for what exactly i dont know im so very alone right now i think thats it but who actually knows but god.thw "what ifs" are coming back what if she doesnt like me etc etc i dont know how or why life is like this it just is i think thats all i can type right now sigh...

another day

been a long time since i did this....well ive been busy anyway.nothing much changed really except that im not hated anymore i have good friends and...yeah nothing much i guess but of course the usual depression of life still there...2 weeks ago on friday i went 2 a river with family friends 5 of us were in the middle of the river when all of a sudden a flash-flood came out of nowhere....thats all you need too know cause im too lazy to go into detail we all lived most traumatized all almost died some more at risk than others.I dont care.I still wish 2 die ive got nothing too live for.At monday(yesterday) i went out with friends for brunch at decanter (yes the one next to skbd) all of us were chatting and eating i was facing the outside of the restaurant then guess what. a car that looks like hers came along and dropped her off... well you can guess what happened next she went to the store next door while i got a panic attack.well it wasnt a waste the day we went to the park next to it and well....jumped around then i went to the club (rsc) then home. idk im not into life.sigh....